A woman’s worth

“You should be grateful that your husband is still with you despite not having any child.”

I get that all the time. My perceived inability to have children has been questioned time and time again. I am regarded as less of a woman for not being a mother. Not even good enough to be a wife.

‘You wouldn’t understand, you’re not a mother.’

I was told I can never understand a mother’s love and selfless nature. Most will pity me because I have not known the sacrifices and joy of motherhood. Not having much of a career only creates more sympathy towards me.

But the fact of the matter, I use my time wisely and productively, through the voluntary work to which I am committed, the teaching I do, and the love I share with those in my life.

I used to be bothered about the prospect of a lonely old age when no children or grandchildren will come round to visit, but I have seen enough of other people’s family fall-outs to know that being a parent is no guarantee of companionship in old age.

The years that followed were some of the most difficult of my life, as close friends married and started families. I watched their lives changing as they swelled with happy pregnancies and welcomed beautiful babies into the world. Thanks to Facebook/twitter/Instagram – I was deeply envious, and hated myself for feeling that way. I no longer have the hope that one day I be a mother. There are reasons why couples have no children, 1 child, a few children, many children or even “accidental” children, whether they want it or not. Even if it’s a matter of will or choice, Allah always has the final say. Please don’t anyhow say that the answer lies within ourselves if we’re willing to search deep. I know I am not perfect and have sinned but that’s not a good reason to point fingers at me for the cause of being childless.

It’s so tough to survive in baby-crazed culture as a woman without children.

All relationships require some sort of glue that holds them together. Why is there always a default assumption that children are some sort of love cement? Shouldn’t it be religion, not kids.


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